Just do what's next and do it well....

Wow! I haven't posted since the first of April! These past few months have been crazy but exciting, Hard but incredibly good! Ever since I finished my student teaching in April, I've been applying for teaching jobs. Out of probably 100+ applications, I've only had one interview which did not end with me getting the job. After praying and talking to my mom and other mentors in my life, I've decided to give myself until the end of this month to find a teaching job. With this 'deadline' looming on the horizon, I've been asking myself, "Ok, so what's next? What do I do if I don't get a teaching job by then? What IS God up to?!" Along with all this, I guess I should mention that the man I'm going to marry one day is all the way up in Rock Hill, SC right now. I'm telling you, life is such a crazy journey! I feel as if I'm back to my freshman year at Lee asking God what His will is for my life. I so badly want to do what HE wants me to do that I'm almost afraid to take steps. But as I wrote in my previous post, I just need to take the first step and God will guide me through the next steps. My pastor's wife, Mia, told me today that I "just need to do what's next and do it well." So God, here I go. Holding on to the only thing I know for sure, YOU!

"I wait for the Lord, I expectantly wait, and in His word do I hope." Psalms 130:5

"The One and Only Ever you"

Every night, I read Mattea our favorite book, On the Night you were Born. This book has incredible meaning in my life, for multiple reasons. The first time I heard it was in January 2009 when I was sitting beside the 'sleepy spot' of my best friend, Erica's baby boy Titito. Hearing her read it was the most heartwretching and amazing experience in my life. Right after that, I decided that I would buy it and save it for when I had my own child. Little did I know that I was already 4 weeks pregnant when I heard her read it and recieved my copy in the mail just 2 days before I found out I was pregnant with Mattea. The first day I was home from the hospital with Mattea, I started reading it to her. It became a part of our bedtime routine. This book became one of those books that I could read from front to back without even looking at the pages.

"On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder, that the stars peeked into see you and the night wind whispered, "Life will NEVER be the same" Because there had never been anyone like you ever in the world." 

How precious and true are those words!! I believe every mother feels this way and of course we all know that children change your life forever! As I journeyed through the trials of this past year, I continued to read this book to Mattea and found myself in awe of God's love for, not only Mattea, but for ME! There were so many times, more than I can number, that God would say, "This is how I see YOU, Patty!"

"So whenever you doubt just how special you are and you wonder who loves you how near and how far Listen for geese honking high in the sky (they're singing a song to remember YOU by). Or notice the bears asleep at the zoo (It's because they've been dancing all night just for you) or drift off to sleep to the sound of the wind (listen closely, It's whispering your name again!).

After everything happened with my marriage, I was definitely in a place where I needed to be reminded continually of who God had created me to be. I am a child of God and just as I see Mattea as my "gift of God", God sees me a treasure.

"Marvelous are your works, and THAT my soul knows very well." Ps 139:14

God has healed and is continuing to heal me from my hurts and bring me to a place of complete trust and confidence in who I am IN HIM! He is MY treasure and I am His! What a wonderful God we serve!

As I say to Mattea Elise every night,

"For you are fearfully and wonderfully made" , My dear. <3

<3

One step at a time

Before I went to bed last night, at 430 AM, I read my devotional for yesterday. The verse was Genesis 12:1 which is God telling Abram to leave his family and "go to the land that I will show you." I mentioned in my blog last night that I was to take this journey one day, one hour, one minute, one second. In the devotional, Joyce Meyer goes on to talk about how many people refuse to take the first step until they understand and know steps 2-5. God doesn't usually give us all the steps at one time, as we see in Abrams case and so many others in the Bible. We have to be willing to take that first step with faith and trust in His promises that 1. He won't leave us and 2. His plan is best.  Man! talk about speaking directly to my situation! I LOVE it when God confirms what your heart is feeling. I definitely was one of those people and I still struggle with taking those first steps, but I know that God has a plan to bless me and all I have to do is obey Him one step at a time. 

pity party....no thanks but encouragement welcomed

So, my analytical, phelgmatic self, realizes that this blog could be seen as a ploy to get people's attention and cause them to have "pity" on me because of the subject of some of my posts. I realize that some people think that showing emotion, specifically sadness and hurt, to the world is a sign of weakness and insecruity.  To that, I say, "For when I am weak, HE is strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

I've been a fairly private person about my situation and, although I know I shouldn't have to justify my actions, I believe that it's time for me to be open and real.  My goal is to let my thoughts, good, bad, happy or sad, be known to whoever clicks on the link. I will always end with something postive because I'm not looking for a pity party but I will gladly accept encouragment. "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."  1 Thessalonians 5:11

God has brought me through so much of my hurt and I just want to continuing healing and in turn, give some light and hope. and honestly, if you have a problem with it, then don't read it. :)

PS: this was seriously in response to none other than my Type-A, phelgmatic personality. I can already see another blog topic! lol

Single mom...Huh??

Tonight, I was driving home from seeing my friend Carrie Bowen: http://www.carriebowen.com/ sing some of her beautiful music and ended up catching a Focus on the Family radio show that was on single moms. Everytime they said the words "single mom" my heart just sank and tears welled-up in my eyes and I thought, "That's me." I've been living this single mom life for almost a year now but it's still hard to wrap my mind around it. Or maybe it's wrapping my heart around it. My heart wanted my children to grow up in a household where the mother and father were together and loved each other. I wanted to give them what I did not have. Simple enough, right? Not so much. My heart hurts from this dream that has been severed by something I feel was and is out of my control. (Not that I was perfect in my marriage, but that's another thought for another blog.) So, now, it's Patty, single mom. How do I do this? One day at time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. As I heal from the many dreams that are now broken, I smile that I have a heavenly Father that says "I'm not finished with you yet." So, when my heart cringes and tears well-up from hearing those "dreaded" words "single mom", I'm going to remember Psalms 126:5 "Those who sow in tears will reap in JOY."